How to Go From Victim to Victor (buckle up, this story is wild) Terri Lomax August 2, 2017 4 Comments You ever have one of those unlikely life experiences that teaches you a powerful lesson? Well today I have a story I want to share with you that reminded of how seemingly “simple” it is, to go from victim to victor. It’s a bit wild so buckle your seatbelt. In September of last year, my husband and I prepped for the week which is our Sunday evening ritual. He took some Nyquil and slept upstairs in our bedroom and I chose to sleep on the couch because I ain’t have time to be getting sick. lol I’m on the couch sleeping with just a t-shirt on and something wakes me up at around 2:30 AM. I look around and notice the hallway light is on and there are slippers by the door. I’m confused but something doesn’t feel right. I go upstairs wake up my husband and ask him if he left the house (since he was on call, this was very likely). He woke up a bit groggy and was completely lost when I asked him if he’d left the house. He said no and I told him about the slippers and the light in the hallway. We both walked downstairs and looked around and you will not believe what we found in our home office… A woman sleeping on the floor! The woman was curled up in the fetal position with her belongings around her… in my home office! The same office I blog in, the same office that holds all my equipment, my personal family files, I mean everything. What the entire *&%$!? As you can imagine, so many things crossed my mind. Long story short, my husband woke the woman up and clearly she was on something. She asked if she could just stay there until the morning (ummm no) she refused to leave so I called the cops. I also started recording because she was white, we’re black… we know how this stuff goes. The cops came and identified her as a homeless woman from the area. We have no idea how she got into our apartment but we’re assuming the door must not have shut all the way at the end of the night. We inspected the house later and noticed that the woman got some juice from our fridge — which is right next to the knives in the kitchen and the couch i was sleeping on — traumatizing isn’t even the word. I didn’t sleep for days. The Aftermath I went to work the next day and I was shook. Luckily I was participating in this program called the Conscious Leadership Group (CLG) and it really helped me process this incident. I probably told this story over 50 times at this point. I spoke to my friends, my family, my colleagues, anyone who would listen. I was scared, I was traumatized and I wanted others to know what happen and offer some hope. This shit was crazy! I had a chance to speak to the facilitator from CLG and she totally blew me away. I told her about what happened and after validating my feelings she asked me a few questions: Are you safe now? (Me: Yes) Are you in danger now? (Me: No) Will you do anything differently to prevent this from happening? (Me: Of course! I’m going to lock my top lock every night) Then she basically tells me that I’m re-victimizing myself by staying in that state of fear and distress, by replaying the story, retelling the story, and pondering on the “what ifs.” I was blown because part of me felt like she was minimizing what happened to me but then I thought about how I moved on from trauma in the past and she was right. From Victim to Victor Even though I was physically and verbally abused as a child, grew up poor, and faced a great deal of adversity in my life, I have the power to choose the narrative that I tell myself. I love this quote. “If you can look up, you can get up.” Don’t mope around with a “woe is me” complex. It doesn’t do you or anyone else any good. The moment I started feeling bad for myself and making excuses for why I didn’t achieve certain goals, I began to adopt a victim mentality instead of a victor mentality. What’s the difference? I’m so glad you asked. If one has a victim mentality, they recognize themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others and tend to blame everyone else for their predicament. However, once you adopt a victor mentality, you’re communicating to yourself and the universe, that you are going to be ok! It’s important to give ourselves time to tell our story, feel all those feelings and process the events that happened to us, but in order to be a victor, we must move on. You’re safe now. You made it. You survived it. So what will you do with all that energy? Will you put it toward something positive or will you continue to parade around telling that victim story? My Challenge To You: Be honest with yourself and reflect on the ways and situations that you are playing victim as of late (or perhaps all of your life.) Write them down and then take time to go through them one by one and make a shift in your heart and mind to claim victory. Reflection Question: How can I approach future situations with the mindset of letting go of the victim mentality and seeing myself as a victor?
