7 Tips to Help You Cope With Traumatic Life Experiences Terri Lomax June 24, 2018 3 Comments We’re coming with something a bit heavy this week. But sometimes heavy means healing. Let me explain. Today we’re talking about 7 tips to help you cope with traumatic life experiences. When we bring up the topic of trauma we often think of the after effects of a war, natural disaster or life crisis. But sometimes it’s the war, the disaster, or the crisis in our minds or hearts that’s traumatic as any of the above listed. Traumas we experience often feel isolating and all encompassing. I hope that these words today will act as a catalyst for the exhale for those who have been holding in the traumas they’ve faced. We owe healing to our future selves… Let me tell you a little bit of my story. I’ve always been scared of my mom. She is the definition of a strong, black woman. Although she had stopped being abusive when I was an upperclassman in high school, her words were still powerful and captivating enough that when she spoke, positive or negative, her words could either mend a heart or pierce it. My mothers choices led to a very traumatic childhood for me, one that meant I would have to do work in my adult years to overcome and cope. I struggled with depression, low self-esteem, suicidal ideations and much more. To this day, I still suffer from the side effects of growing up in a volatile household. Healing from trauma is not easy. It is not fun. It is not simple. But what it is…..is necessary. Doing the work to heal from the wounds that once broke us down is essential in being able to build back up. We owe it to ourselves. We owe healing to the inner child who is craving release from the past. We owe healing to our current selves who deserve more rested hearts. We owe healing to our future selves so that she can be freer than ever. Before you read on, take a look at this insightful Ted Talk by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris. It may provide you with answers you’ve had about your own childhood and how the traumas you’ve experienced continue to impact you today. So what does doing the work actually look like when it comes to taking a leap toward working through our traumas? We have to commit to the recovery of our hearts and minds from what we’ve been through. Author Mark Goulston suggests that this recovery can happen in seven mindful steps. They are profound, well explained and worth exploring. Lets dive in! 7 Tips to Help You Cope With Traumatic Life Experiences 1. Physical Awareness. When you’re feeling in distress after a trauma, think to yourself, “I am physically feeling [what] in my [where in your body].” For example, “light headed and sick to my stomach.” 2. Emotional Awareness. “And emotionally I feel [angry? frustrated? scared? sad? disappointed? hurt? upset?] and how my [fill in the emotion you just named] is [name the level of intensity]. For example, “scared out of my wits and more scared than I can ever remember feeling in my life.” 3. Impulse Awareness. “And feeling [name the physical feeling] and [name the emotional feeling], and feeling it[name the level of intensity], makes me want to [name the impulse].” For example, “sitting down and doing nothing.” 4. Consequence Awareness. “If I act on that impulse, the most likely immediate consequence will be ____, and a longer-term consequence will be ____.” For example, “I will probably feel even more out of control and even more hopeless.” 5. Reality Awareness. “While I am holding off (for now) on acting on that impulse, another possible and more accurate perception of what might really be going on is [seeing the world as it actually is can further help you not react to the way it isn’t].” For example, “my life being forever different doesn’t mean my life is over.” 6. Solution Awareness. “A better thing for me to do instead would be to [fill in an alternate behavior and what you need to do to achieve those outcomes].” For example, “learn to live with life being never the same again and to start by interacting with (vs. withdrawing) others, comforting each other, thinking together what we can do now vs. focusing on what we can’t and then have each person commit to doing something to achieve our desired outcome.” 7. Benefit Awareness. “If I try that solution, the benefit to me immediately will be [fill in the immediate benefit].” For example, “I’ll begin to feel more in control and less helpless and even less hopeless.” What is on the other side of healing from your trauma? Is it a healthier relationship? Is it a more stable lifestyle? Is it more access to happiness? It is a peace you’ve been craving? Is it hope? “When we are being “mindful” we are bringing, focused, non-judgemental awareness to our experience. It is this attention that changes the structure and functions or our physical brain (Siegel, 2007). For example, when we are passengers in a car we may not be able to retrace the route taken from our home to a new destination, but if we have to drive, pay close attention to where we are going; our brain literally builds a pathway of neurons that “remember” how to get from A to B. Such bulking up of spatial memory has been studied in London cab drivers who need to recall thousands of streets and laneways. Their knowledge can be seen as a thickened area on a brain scan (Begley, 2007).” – Trauma Recovery Your traumas do not define you, sis. You are capable and worthy of feeling whole and alive! Sending you love as you take your first steps to cope with traumatic life experiences. You got this!
