HomeSelf-Esteem & ConfidenceWhat Is Confidence? And How YOU Can Get More! Terri Lomax July 8, 2013 Confidence: 1. a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers. 2. the quality or state of being certain Traveling on this journey through womanhood, has been a roller coaster to say the least. Especially, when it comes to defining “me” and my confidence. Over the past few years, one of my goals has remained the same: Gain more confidence. There have been several occasions when I’ve Googled things like How to get more confidence, Qualities of a strong black woman, What does it mean to be confident and the list goes on and on. Confidence is Subjective I believe that confidence is subjective and also situational. It’s subjective because YOU define what it means to be a confident you. I’ve found that for me, “a confident Terri” means that: I‘m comfortable in my skin regardless of who’s in my presence, I walk with my head up and I think positive thoughts while doing so, I voice my opinion, I treat myself with respect and demand that others do the same and I refrain from comparing myself to others. These are just a few of the rules that contribute to my confidence. I must admit, sometimes I break the “confidence rules” and I find myself self-conscious or insecure. But because I’ve made my own rules, I know what thoughts lead me back to feeling and being more confident. What does a “Confident INSERT YOUR NAME” look like? Confidence is Situational Today, if you were to put me in front of a group of teenaged girls and you told me to speak with them about overcoming adversity, I’d be able to fearlessly and effortlessly put something together, on the spot. I’d be confident and at ease. However, if you were to ask me to give a presentation on global warming to the same group of girls, I’d probably be nervous and unsure of myself. I’ve spent the last year and a half creating, revising and presenting workshops on overcoming adversity, which contributes to my confidence in that area. On the other hand, I’m not well versed on the topic of global warming and unfortunately I don’t have a passion to speak to young girls about it (though it’d be wise to know about this subject!) Usually we have more confidence in our abilities when we’re comfortable and familiar in a given situation, thus making confidence situational. What situations or environments are you naturally confident in? Gaining More Confidence If you’re like me and you want to gain more confidence, the first step is to figure out what you want to gain confidence in. “Gaining confidence” is a pretty vague goal, that will be difficult to reach, considering that you can’t really measure it. Do you want to gain confidence in your appearance? Your public speaking? Your cooking? Your writing? Your ability to handle conflict? Figure out what areas you want to gain confidence in and set small goals that’ll help you reach your desired outcomes. For instance, when I first started grad school, I was a hot mess! I say that because I had just gotten out of a stressful relationship, I was starting a new job, in a new area and on top of that, a new school. But not just a new school, GRAD SCHOOL! (I’m so dramatic, right?!) I was so nervous and unsure of myself. I wasn’t confident in my academic or intellectual abilities which caused me to shy away from speaking up in class. I didn’t think I had anything significant to offer and I also thought my classmates were way smarter than me. Over the course of the semester my mentor and I came up with a plan to help me gain more confidence when speaking up in class. One of my goals was to ask at least 3 questions per class. Sometimes I’d even prepare questions before attending class to help with my nerves. (Yea, I had it bad! I was so nervous.) My mentor would check in with me bi-weekly to see how I was doing. Long story short, by the end of the semester, I turned into “that girl.” That girl that always asks a million and one questions in class. But guess what? I started speaking up in class naturally and confidently. I also stopped caring about what others thought of me and my questions. Now, I don’t mind asking questions in the classroom setting. Your Confidence Journey I found that writing out what a confident me would look like, helped me to narrow down exactly where I wanted to be on the confidence spectrum. Later, I set goals that would ultimately get me to a more confident me. Lastly, once you have a strong confidence foundation you’ll be more likely to exude confidence in different situations, whether you’re comfortable or not. Confident people don’t know it all and aren’t always in control, but they do embrace their vulnerability and humanness. Well, that’s my opinion anyway. How Do You Define Confidence?
