One of the greatest lessons I’ve ever learned is to advocate for myself. As little girls we are often placed into a very gendered box of femininity which oftentimes includes a hushed voice and “ladylike” decorum. A box that says that being ‘too heard’ or taking up ‘too much space’ or asking for the things we want, can come off as shrewd or aggressive.

Unfortunately that then translates into the women we become. We don’t have the boldness and courage to use our voices when the time comes to advocate for our needs. We’re discouraged from saying what we really think and expressing how we truly feel even in times when it’s crucial for us to speak up.

Why You Should Speak Up For Yourself, Even When It’s Scary

As adults this is crucial because we come up against these types of situations everyday.

The kinds in which our own voice is the only one that will save us, that will advocate on our behalf. From negotiating salary with our bosses to talking sex and finances with your partner. From managing relationship with in-laws to saying “NO” and being comfortable with it. From giving feedback, to holding someone accountable for behavior.

These are all moments in our lives that we must stand tall and find the courage to speak up and speak out for ourselves… even when it’s scary.

It’s Not Easy But It’s Necessary

Now is a good time to remind you that this is not easy. I’ve always been very uncomfortable with conflict and difficult conversations so I often find it ironic that I got my Master’s in Conflict Analysis and Dispute Resolution.

I couldn’t avoid conflict growing up because it was the culture in my home.

Violence, conflict, and difficult conversations were present but something I always feared. In my adulthood I unsurprisingly became a people pleaser to avoid having difficult conversations but as any fellow people pleaser will tell you, the sh*t gets old real quick.

I had originally enrolled in an MBA program but after the first week realized it wasn’t a good fit so I dropped out and had a quarter life crisis.

My mentor helped me choose another program and I stumbled into the Conflict Resolution program which really changed my life… it showed me that difficult conversations could be had successfully while maintaining a good relationship with those involved.

Tact, empathy, and honesty are the keys to having tough convos. Suppressing your feelings and not knowing how to communicate about difficult subjects is frustrating.

We owe it to ourselves and the people in our world to let our voices, our needs, and our wants be heard no matter what. Speak up for yourself even when it’s scary and trust me, it’ll get easier over time.

My Challenge to You:

Take count of the times this week when you did and did not speak up for yourself. Take time each evening to think over your day and recall when you could have been more vocal on what your needs and wants were. Becoming more aware of the times and places where we tend to become small is a good place to start..

Reflection Question:

To mirror this weeks theme of using our voice I want to encourage you to take a moment to reflect on the question “Who could I be listening more closely to? Whose voice have I been unknowingly silencing or not bringing into consideration.”