Hey Mocha Fam! I hope all is well on your end. Every once in while when there’s a lot going in my life I like to share “Some Life Updates” with you to keep you posted on what I’m doing and to share any resources or learning experiences that I’ve gained.

Speaking

Last week I had the opportunity to facilitate my self-esteem workshop, I Love Me Some Me: Redefining Be-You-tiful, to a group of college women. The experience was extremely rewarding. Over the past 2 years I’ve booked over 10 speaking engagements which may not sound like a lot, unless you know that I used to be PETRIFIED of public speaking! The funny thing is, just a few years ago, I was still very nervous about speaking in public. Although sharing my story and speaking to groups has always been my passion, I lacked the confidence to follow through.


I let my self-defeating thoughts scare me from taking a leap of faith. I let the limitations of others, paralyze me with fear and self-doubt. It wasn’t until one of my mentors worked tirelessly with me to help me boost my self-esteem, define and recognize my self-worth and finally start pursuing my dream! Today I am in the process of establishing my motivational speaking career and I owe it all to the lessons I learned from mentors and advisors along the way. The two lessons below have helped me to overcome fear, low self-esteem and the lack of confidence.  

1. Change Your Thoughts-  I grew up with a very poor self-image and many of my self-defeating habits stemmed from my  negative thoughts. What I didn’t realize at the time was that, what you think about most of the time, tends to manifest in your life. For years I desperately wanted to boost my self-esteem and become a confident woman but my thoughts held me captive. I mean, think about it, how can you become confident and happy when you’re constantly thinking and saying negatives things about yourself? Whenever I’d make a mistake, I was the first to call myself “dumb” “stupid” or “not smart enough.” If I didn’t feel pretty one day, I was the first to call myself “ugly” “not good enough” or “too skinny.”

When I started stating positive affirmations each morning my life changed for the better. Initially I felt silly. I honestly felt like I was lying to myself every day. I’d look in the mirror and call myself ” beautiful” ” a nationally sought after speaker” “intelligent” “confident” and so on. The great thing is, after years of reprogramming my negative mind, I began to 1) believe the positive affirmations 2) I started to value myself enough to protect myself from negative statements! Even when they came from me!

2. Utilize Your Resources-  Prior to 2011 I considered myself to be a reactive person rather than a proactive person. I was reactive because I would wait for opportunities to come my way, which sort of put me at the mercy of destiny and chance. After 2011 I was at a point where I was desperate. I didn’t see any opportunities and I became frustrated. I needed answers, I needed help, I needed to meet myself! I vividly remember the day when I sat on my Queen sized bed in my apartment surfing the internet for more than 5 hours looking for a free life coach. I was broke, but very aware of my need for coaching. That’s when I found a lady from Atlanta who became my mentor for almost a year. This experience taught me something very valuable, “if opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” There are so many resources out there to assist us with our goals and dreams, the question is, do you have the zeal and the will to search for them or create your own? 

 

“The Creator has not given you a longing to do that which you have no ability to do.” –Orison Swett Marden

 

Therapy 

Though I’m not in school anymore I look at my life in semesters. With that being said, last semester was rough! On top of a rigorous work load I had tons of family situations going on simultaneously. I mean seriously, life was trying to kick my ass! Within a matter of 10 days the following events occurred. My step-dad was laid off, my uncle died after being hit by a car and both my grandparents took it very hard, which resulted in my grandfather having a stroke. I talk openly about my mother being incarcerated and my grandparent’s and step dad raising my 4 younger siblings who are all under the age of 16. Breathe. That was a lot. It was too much for me to handle. I seriously almost had a nervous break down! After experiencing the stress, mood swings and emotional breakdowns I decided it was time for me to speed up the therapist search. For goodness sakes, I’m not a crier and I cried more than 10 times in one week during this craziness!

Long story short, I found a wonderful therapist and let me tell you, it’s awesome! I really wish that our society and the black community would talk about mental health needs and therapy more often. I know this is something that isn’t discussed in my family. I really like therapy because it’s teaching me a lot about myself. One thing I realized thus far, is that one of my coping mechanisms from being abused when I was younger was to numb myself. This made me appear to be cold and aloof, especially in relationships. Brushing my feelings under the rug as a child, surprisingly helped me to overcome but as an adult, I’m now coming to terms with those feelings and emotions that I once denied or hid. It’s deep! I’m telling you, I think everyone should try therapy. It’s definitely all about fit. Don’t let one bad experience ruin the process. 🙂 Also, if you have any questions about therapy I’d be more than happy to answer them if I’m able to!

 

My First Video Interview 

I’m super excited! Last week I was interviewed by Life Coach, Blogger and Business Woman, Raven Delana. She’s such a nice person with a sweet spirit. Her passion is helping women take BIG LEAPS toward major success. In the interview I shared some of the BIG LEAPS that I took in my life. The first was standing up to my mother for the first time. My mom was physically and verbally abusive when I was a child. Standing up to her was one of the hardest but most necessary decisions I’ve ever made! Click PLAY below to view the interview and hear about the other two BIG LEAPS.

Interview