How My Siblings Saved My Life

Almost 5 years ago I found myself crying on my bathroom floor at my mom’s house. I was hopeless. I was helpless. I was on the verge of giving up. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and I just couldn’t take it anymore.I was a sophomore in college trying to figure out how I was going to finish school. My tuition bill was due, I was broke and the emotions from my dad’s death were fresh and overwhelming. The one year anniversary of his death was quickly approaching and while in the process of grieving, I was forced to sit back and watch my mom parade around with her new boyfriend unapologetically.I lied on the bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably because of the pain but also because of what I intended to do next. I was home alone and I planned to take my life. I knew my mom had  over the counter medicine in her medicine cabinet and my plan was to go to her bathroom and take them all.

As I made my way up off my bathroom floor I heard something that stopped me in my tracks, my 4 year old little brother’s voice. He must’ve gotten out of school early that day. He was outside laughing and screaming and doing what kids do.

I instantly pictured him smiling from ear to ear skipping up to the house as he often does. I thought of my siblings. What would they do if I wasn’t here? How would my decision affect them? I thought of all the unfortunate situations that I’ve been through in life and I challenged myself to muster up the strength to get over this hump. If I could just survive this hardship and make it through I could possibly help someone else.

This was the last day that I ever had suicidal thoughts. This was also the day that I identified my “why.” I found inspiration in the following excerpt from Les Brown, I hope that you can too:

“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is the result of people convincing themselves they can’t make it. In order for us to take life on, even in the worst times, we have to say to ourselves I am going to make it no matter what. Not making it is not an option.”

Your “why” motivates you when the going gets tough. Your “why” gets you up in the morning when you don’t feel like getting up. Your “why” is that thing that inspires you. That thing that motivates you. That thing that won’t let you quit! Your “why” could be your children, a spouse, a loved one or your legacy.

No matter how tired you are or how tough the journey has become, there is someone out there who’s waiting on your victory. Your triumph alone can influence the masses.

Have you identified your “why”? If so, what was your “aha moment” that helped you discover it? If you haven’t identified your “why” think of who/what motivates you, and if nothing else, YOU be your “why”  for living dynamically.