Me in 6th or 7th grade smiling with my chipped tooth.

My teeth and I have always had a bittersweet relationship. Before my teeth became an issue my gums were the issue. I have dark gums and for some reason when I was younger they were much darker than they are now. As the kids on the playground would say, I had “black gums” and apparently the kids on the playground saw this as  some kind of curse.

I got made fun of all the time because of my black gums, but the teasing escalated when my front tooth got chipped in the 7th grade. My older sister and I were playing outside when she accidentally hit me in the mouth with a bottle. And BAM, that was the start of a decade long paranoia with my teeth and my smile.

Walking around looking like the female version of  the rapper Fabolous, I became extremely insecure about my smile. I hated speaking and I resorted to covering my mouth when I laughed or when I was tempted to display a huge smile, in hopes of hiding my teeth. Years later after many ( 3 to be exact) less than mediocre tooth repair jobs I finally got my tooth fixed to the point where I could flash my smile without being as paranoid as I was before.

My smile was much better, but it just wasn’t perfect. The tooth replacement was slightly shorter than my natural front tooth making my smile a little crooked.

One day I went to the dentist and as the dental hygienist cleaned my teeth I asked her about Lumineer options. There was a model on the wall with “perfect teeth” advertising Lumineers. I always wished for “perfect teeth”  and a “perfect smile.” I told the hygienist about my depressing tooth story and  how I was interested in getting  4 to 6 Lumineers to make my smile look like the girl’s in picture. The dental hygienist listened to my sob story and then said something very powerful to me as she opened her mouth to show me her teeth. She was an older woman and had the cutest Russian accent.

” You know, I always wanted a prettier smile and I got the Lumineers and guess what? Even though I got them done I still see imperfections. This tooth isn’t as white as I want and the teeth aren’t as big as I wished for,” she said, as she pointed out her pearly whites. “Your teeth are beautiful and healthy.  They’ll never look like the teeth in that picture, they weren’t meant to. Even if you get them done you’ll find something about them you don’t like. Be happy with what you have, some people wish they had teeth like yours.”

After this conversation I had a few realizations:

1. It’s amazing how we see ourselves so critically at times. I get many compliments on my “beautiful smile” but no matter how many times other people compliment me, my perception of my smile doesn’t change. I always think of what my smile lacks rather than being grateful for having healthy teeth.

2.  I had to question my motives. Why is this “perfect smile” so important? I felt that apart of me was still trying to run away from being that chipped tooth little girl with low self-esteem. I always thought that If I could just get that perfect smile I’d be happy, secure and life would be good. Maybe I’m trying to appease my inner child?

3. I believe that if you don’t like something about yourself you have the right to change it. But before making a life changing decision to go under the knife or permanently alter an aspect of your appearance it’s important to ask yourself, why? What are you hoping to gain from this? How does this change, line up with your goals and mission for life? And, who are you doing this for? 

My passion is to inspire women to find the beauty in themselves and their imperfections. Considering the fact that I struggled with low self-esteem for a long time and I’m  now at a healthy place in my life where I love myself and I value myself, it’s a beautiful thing. My goal is to share this with other women who are going through similar situations.  I’m just not comfortable promoting real beauty and self-esteem when I can’t be real before the people that I want to impact. One of my best friend’s said to me “Real people can’t relate to perfection.” 

At this point in my life the mission that I have and the “why” behind the tooth procedure isn’t something that I can go through with comfortably. To this day, I still teeter back and forth about whether or not I want to go through with getting Lumineers. I’m not sure, one day I may decide to get them. But for now, my main focus is to continue on this road to loving myself, imperfections and all. But I promise, if I decide to go through with getting my “teeth done” I’ll share the process with you.

Have you had a similar situation where you’ve magnified a tiny imperfection? I’d love to hear your story! 

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