Women often find their strength in the way they care for others, the way they manage their spaces, the way they deal with stresses and adversity, and in the situation in which they “overcome.”

But just for a moment (or perhaps for the rest of this lifetime, maybe?) lets add another strength indicator into the mix. I want women to measure their strength by their self care. And I’m not talking about bubble baths and massage appointments. I want to take it a bit deeper (pun intended) I want to talk about sex. More specifically, the black woman, sex, and sensuality.

Black Women, Sex, and Sensuality

Sexuality is a part of human life but for some reason the tasteful discussion of women’s sex and sensuality is something guarded, whispered.

But why?

Why can’t we be proud of these bodies and the pleasure they bring us? Why can’t we find excitement in exploring what we enjoy? Why can’t we feel empowered knowing that our orgasms are a form of self care?

We can.

I’m declaring it here and now. We can! We will!

As black women in America we have a fairly sticky situation with sexuality. We have two extremes in which neither serve us well.

On one hand we grew up in strict Christian households in which we were discouraged and shunned by our community to even think about sexuality, let alone consider our own.

On the other hand through music, media and entertainment we have been hyper sexualized and fetishized. Almost made to believe our bodies don’t belong us, but to the others.

This is the first thing that must change…

Taking the time to know and appreciate our bodies and the ways that we use it for pleasure is worth exploring. How do we do that? Here is a short list to get you started:

1. It sounds a bit weird but grab a mirror and look. Take a long gaze at your vagina and explore how it looks and feels. You need to know yourself more intimately than anyone else.

2. Masturbate. I know, I know….it been a “bad word” for many of us for the majority of our lives. But to be honest this word is easily interchangeable with self care.

3. Dance ….. sensually….. for yourself. With the rise of pole classes and instructors dedicated to the art of the lap dance, there are more ways than one to be in touch with your body and the way moving it can turn you and others on!

Don’t forget this!

Ok, so now that you’ve been able to explore your sexual and intimate magic on your own, what does this look like when you leave the privacy of your bedroom? Well first of all lets not forget that sexuality isn’t all about intercourse. It’s about how you feel in your skin!

The way you dress, the way your red lipstick pops, the way your new nail color makes you feel bold and capable and seductive.

Don’t forget that! You get to define what makes you feel sexy and how you let it empower you!

You are multifaceted. You must give yourself permission to be a badass business woman, an amazing mom, and a sensual lover all at the same time (well, you know that I mean lol) and it doesn’t make you any less of a woman.

So go forth, black woman. Be great, be bold, be creative, be strong and please, please be sensual and sexual and know that you are golden!