The Best Way To Change Your Loved Ones (and it’s not what you think) Terri Lomax May 13, 2017 The Best Way To Change Your Loved Ones After last week’s newsletter there seems to have grown an even greater connection between my Mocha Girls Pit Stop community and I. I’ve always been a firm believer that shared stories are at times the best therapy. I wanted to continue on in that vein of shared understandings and support for each other. I hope that this week’s share will be another opportunity for us to connect… My mom has been in and out of jail since I was 8 years old. She’s currently in jail now… I’ve been a mother figure for my 4 younger siblings (ages 13 ,14, 15 and 19) since they were born and I’ve always felt an obligation to make sure they were good. I want the best for them and have a vision for their lives… My 19 year old sister (Dayna) and I have had a rocky relationship. I can only imagine what life has been like for her as she’s sort of lived in my shadow… I’m sure she’s tired as hell of hearing “your sister Terri this and your sister Terri that…” The Best Way to Change Your Loved Ones Dayna marches to the beat of her own drum and Lord knows she caused me much grief because she’s stubborn, a bit rebellious but nevertheless, she’s my sister and this year, I’ve finally released all expectations for my siblings… It was driving me crazy trying to project careers, paths, and decisions onto them… but again, I had to be that person for them when they were babies. I feel like I had one of those parental revelations where I realized that I can love them and want the best for them but I can not control their life, lead them to their purpose, or fight their battles… This truth hurt but it’s also given me a great deal of peace… Ultimately, the best way to change your loved ones, is to stop trying to change them. As Mother’s Day is upon us, family is often at the top of our minds. And for some of us, the ones we care for deeply don’t always conjure the most pleasant of thoughts. Perhaps you have a loved one that keeps making the wrong decisions and you feel responsible for them… Maybe you’re a woman who desires to change her boyfriend but it just isn’t working, or maybe a mom who is frustrated with her child who’s choosing a different path… These situations are always tough, incredibly emotional, and oftentimes exhausting. Sister, there is something we CAN do to show love to these people and to ourselves. That “something” is this: Let it go… I know, I know, it’s much easier said than done but it is in realizing our own powerlessness to change our loved ones that we find the power to simply love them. No need to change them, just be there as a daughter, friend, sister, colleague, girlfriend, or mother. When we stand strong with love and light we emot those things to the ones in our world who need them. It is ultimately their decision to take that love and light, or to leave it. Mantra of the Week: I accept/embrace my own powerlessness to change my loved ones. I send love/light their way, & let the Universe do the rest. My Challenge To You: Take the time to talk things out with yourself. To forgive yourself for the strain put on your heart trying to change others. Next, commit to love and light for them always. Reflection Question: Who are the people I am constantly trying to change? How can I make a daily effort to release my need to “take control” for them.
