I’m at a point in my life where I value forgiveness and reconciliation, which often causes me to forgive swiftly before resentment sets in.  These are values that I plan to uphold.

Despite my efforts to forgive quickly, I find myself reminiscing on my childhood and I’m reminded of how damaging and debilitating my upbringing was. There were plenty of good times but unfortunately the bad times scarred me to the core and present issues for me to this day.

I look at outspoken and outgoing young people and peers around me who had supportive environments that encouraged them to be their authentic selves and I admire them.

I remember what it was like living in a home where my opinion and input not only wasn’t encouraged… it didn’t exist. The child with no voice grew into a fragile woman who was ashamed of her voice and her ideas. I was always very timid and appeasing. I used to wish that I was more outgoing and sociable.

Though a great deal of people in my circle consider me to be very successful, I can’t lie, there are times when I ask myself, what if?

Sometimes I sit back and look at my life and think, I wonder where I‘d be if…

  • My mom wasn’t verbally and physically abusive or
  • I was celebrated more at home or
  • My family was well off and had money to invest in my future or
  • I didn’t struggle so much with low self-esteem, depression and anxiety or
  • I wasn’t always doubting myself

And the list goes on and on…

Have you ever looked at your life and thought “Damn, if XYZ didn’t happen to me, I wonder where I’d be?” or “ If I hadn’t ‘effed’ up XYZ, I wonder how my life would look?”

I’ve asked myself these questions over and over, and honestly, dwelling on “shoulda, woulda, couldas” is downright depressing, infuriating and at the end of the day, it isn’t fair.

We can’t do anything to change the past. We can’t go back in time and make that person love us more, put more money in our bank account or offer advice that’ll change our path. As tough as it may sound, every experience was a part of our unique journey and we have the power to maximize those experiences.

What encourages me the most when these thought processes try to rain on my parade, is hearing stories of other young women who are marginalized, underprivileged and statistically “at-risk”, who can look to me for inspiration because …that was me. I was that girl and I was able to overcome.

You may not be where you want to be and life may have thrown you some curve balls. Shit, you may have even made a few horrible mistakes. It happens. Just remember that you don’t have to let your past own you.

Acknowledge what happened. Who hurt you? Who did you hurt? What contributed to where you are now? And give yourself permission to move on.

I respect your journey and I realize that it’s not an overnight process. Just remember:

1. There’s a lesson in every situation. Be still and search for it.

2. You are someone’s hero. Someone is looking to you for inspiration to make it.

3. Your adversity can strengthen you, if you let it.

4. Forgive yourself and those who’ve wronged you.

You deserve to be free.

Let’s Chat: Is there a situation or past experience that’s dictating your actions? Have you ever helped a friend overcome a painful situation? What advice did you offer them?

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