No one wants to be a “Debbie Downer” a “Hater” or a “Negative Nancy” on Mother’s Day, which is why I debated with myself on whether or not to publish this post. I hope my intention is clear by the end of this text. I decided to release this post on Mother’s Day because I know what while there are tons of happy mothers and daughters celebrating, making dinner reservations and having a good time, there are some women out there who are actually looking forward to the day after.
The truth of the matter…
My mom has been in and out of jail ever since I was 8 years old. Over the years I learned to adjust and keep it moving. I learned to suppress my feelings and ultimately I became numb. I became accustomed to the abnormal relationship that my mother and I had. We’d write letters, I’d visit her in prison and she’d call the house a few times a week and surprisingly, we had a very good relationship. I think there’s an innate desire for children to want to be like their parents or at least to have a good relationship with them. No matter what mistakes your parent’s make there’s a deep longing to be at peace with them. For them to love and accept you for who you are. Would you agree? Despite my mother being abusive when I was younger and making bad decisions, I love and adore her. She taught me so much and I wouldn’t be who I am without her. I’ll be honest, there were plenty of times along my journey when the feelings I had toward my mother were anything but positive. I struggled with forgiveness and anger for years.
This Mother’s Day, I have a host of emotions that I’d rather not feel…
The overarching emotion being sadness. It really hurts my heart to see other mothers who are there for their children. Mothers who adore their children and wouldn’t do anything to separate themselves from their families. I’m not jealous or bitter, though I have been in the past. I’m saddened because my younger siblings and I don’t have that. We can’t just call our mom to vent, tell her we love her or tell her about our day… and that sucks. We have to wait for a call from prison that’s usually timed and recorded.
I am not lacking…
As much as it hurts to see pictures of happy mothers and daughters ( and sons) on Facebook and Instagram, I have to acknowledge the fact that even though I’ve had a non-traditional mother daughter experience, I am not lacking. I have tremendous mentors, god-mothers, friends, family members and an amazing grandmother who contributed to the woman that I am today. The experiences that I’ve had with my mom constantly reminds me of the mother I want to be when I have children one day.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the wonderful mothers and mother figures! Enjoy your special day.
Share Your Wisdom. Join the Conversation!
Do you have any advice for a woman who doesn’t have the best mother-daughter relationship?
Have you experienced tension in your mother-daughter relationship? How did you deal with it?
At what point do you think it’s ok to love your mother from afar?