Mocha Girl of the Week: Janay Bankston

I am a Mocha Girl on a Mission because…

I’m not afraid to live. I’m not afraid to make mistakes. I’m not afraid to love. I’m not afraid to hurt. Fear will no longer dictate my life. I am now free to achieve my dreams. Beginning with this post, I am no longer an aspirant, I am living the life I have always wanted. I am a college grad on my way to my master’s at the age of 22. I have lives to touch with my writing and places to go. My mission is simple, to silence every lie I once accepted as truth and to be a beacon to other women.

Obstacles…

After graduating college, a time meant for reflection and pride, I began to doubt myself, “What if I’m not ready for this?” The summer that followed I spent digging myself into a hole, isolating myself from the world. I never had a ton of friends and the few I did were in different cities starting their lives, while I was home hiding from it. After working so diligently to obtain a degree, I all of a sudden lost my zeal. I invested so much into my education, sacrificing fun, relationships, and even sleep. I found myself in a rut, a deep self loathing rut. I had no job, no friends, and worst of all, no passion. I forgot how to take care of myself, I forgot the things I used to love, the things that used to excite me, I even forgot how to be social. Education was a distraction from how unhappy I was, how lonely I felt, how much I despised myself. Now that I ran out of distractions I had to face my fears of, rejection, inadequacy, loneliness and failure. One day during my routine of moping around and throwing myself a pity party my mother said to me, “you child, are afraid to live.” Those words echoed in my head and cut deep because she was right. I’ve been merely existing without living. I was unhappy and she saw right through me. It was then that I realized how badly I wanted my joy and peace. I wanted to be as vibrant and perfectly carefree like my friends. I wanted my existence to mean something, and I wanted to discover love too. So all things beautiful is what I set out to be and do, I’ve identified my pursuit and my joy is on the horizon.

Accomplishments…

My greatest accomplishment is achieving what the eyes can’t see and hands can’t hold. The hole that I dug that summer could have been my grave, but I chose life. Learning to love and value myself as much as my Lord does, is the best gift I have ever given myself. “What if I am not ready, What if I am ready?”

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