The Sweet

May 2013 was a bittersweet month. The “sweet” consisted of me graduating with my Master’s degree and preparing to move to New York City, to start a new job. My family was so happy for me.Shoot, I was also happy for myself. Especially considering the adversity that my siblings and I endured. From losing our dad in 2007, to our mom being back and forth to prison over the years, life was finally sparing us a few curve balls, or so we thought.

I was particularly excited to have my mom and my biological father at my graduation! The last time my mom and both my dad’s (my dad who raised me & my biological father) attended my graduation, was when I graduated from high school in 2007. Two months later, my dad who raised me passed away. When I graduated from college in 2011, my biological father was unable to attend and my mom was locked up. So, as you can imagine, I was pretty excited that my parents would be attending my Master’s ceremony!

The Bitter

This brings us to the “bitter” of the bittersweet. Three weeks before my graduation, my mom got locked up. My family and I were devastated. I was more pissed than devastated. Actually, my emotions were all over the place. I was hurt, disappointed, angry and downright depressed. My mom has been in and out of jail ever since I was 8 years old. My family and I thought that after her 4 year stint (from 2008-2012), she’d make better decisions and never return back to prison.

In addition to mom being away, there were serious financial issues that plagued our family. To make matters worse, my younger siblings were starting to act out, as a result of mom’s abrupt departure. In my mind, the negative began to outweigh the positive. Graduation didn’t seem as grandiose and neither did life. During this period, I felt like a zombie. Instead of living, I was simply going through the motions. I felt bad for myself and my babies ( my younger siblings who are 9, 10, 11 and 15.) I was an emotional wreck. I remember one day I was watching TV and out of nowhere, I just started balling my eyes out. All hell was certainly breaking loose. Or at least that’s what it seemed like.

Fast forward a few months and at this point, I’ve graduated, moved into my new place in NYC and I’ve started my new job. My family situation hasn’t changed much, however, over the last few months I’ve had an amazing group of friends and family who’ve helped me to see the positive in every curve ball. I’ve included a few Dos and Don’ts for staying positive in the midst of negativity or hardship. I hope this helps 🙂

 

 

Dos

1. Vent one good time.

Call up a good friend (preferably someone who’s positive and can offer wisdom) and vent about what’s going on. Address the issue head on. Don’t pretend that nothing’s wrong. I have a circle of three really good friends, in addition to a few family members and church members, who are always lending an ear or hand when I’m in need of an emotional “pick me up.”

2. Cry one good time or as many times as needed.

Lord knows I don’t like to cry, but I do realize how refreshing and beneficial crying can be. Please cry. Every once in a while, a good cry is good for you. Let it all out. It works, trust me, I do it… frequently!

3. Figure out what you can do to make it better.

Are you able to do something to change the situation? If so, exhaust your options. Is it out of your control? If so, remember that all you can do, is all you can do. Stressing won’t do anything but shorten your life and give you headaches. Let it go if you can’t do anything about it. My family had a few financial woes that went beyond what my grad student income could handle. I consulted with my mentor and my best friend for help. After that, I prayed about it and let it go.

4. Think Positive Thoughts.This is probably the most important rule of staying positive in negative situations. Our thoughts have so much power. We may not be able to control what thoughts pop into our heads, but we can control the thoughts we dwell on. Monitor your thoughts and eliminate the ones that drag you down and embrace the thoughts that uplift you. If your mind is on negative overload, like mine was, write out positive thoughts and view them frequently!

5. Make regular deposits into your positivity bank. Let’s assume that we all have an internal Positivity and Negativity bank .Whichever bank gets the most deposits, determines the frequency of our positive and negative thoughts. Surrounding yourself with positive people, reading books that promote positive mindsets and being mindful of which bank you fund, determines what messages are relayed to your subconscious mind. From the music you listen to, to the TV shows you watch, be sure to feed your mind with positive food for thought.

6. Make a list of everything you’re grateful for. Whenever I get into a negative space, recounting my blessings really helps to pull me back to the good side. A grateful list is simply a list of everything that’s going well in your life. No matter how low we get or how tough the road is, there’s always something to be grateful for.

 

Don’ts

1. Surround Yourself With Negative People- There is nothing worse than being around toxic people, especially when you’re going through. Stay far away from those who pollute your space with negativity. As for family members, you can either avoid them or check them when they present you with negativity.

2. Feel bad for Yourself– I love this quote. “If you can look up, you can get up.” Don’t mope around with a “woe is me” complex. It doesn’t do you or anyone else any good. The moment I started feeling bad for myself, I began to adopt a victim mentality instead of a victor mentality. What’s the difference? If you have a victim mentality, you’ll mostly likely stay a victim. However, once you adopt a victor mentality, you’re communicating to yourself and the universe, that you are going to be ok!

3. Don’t give up- I’m a firm believer that if we can just push past the pain, there’s something worthwhile on the other side. There were plenty of times in my life when I wanted to throw in the towel but thank God I didn’t. I now see that everything that I went through had a purpose. If I would have given up when my dad died or when my mom went to jail, I wouldn’t be where I am today.

4. Don’t be negative (obviously, right?)- In the midst of your situation,be sure not to poison the positive. Sometimes situations get so tough that we find ourselves seeking negativity even in positive situations. We don’t appreciate the good things because we’re blinded by the things that aren’t going well.

 

NNTAShare Your Wisdom! Comment Below.

Remaining positive in a negative situation takes a lot of discipline and hard work. But you can do it, if you’re willing! What tactics do you use to keep a positive attitude in a negative situation?

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