How My Siblings Saved My Life


Almost 5 years ago I found myself crying on my bathroom floor at my mom’s house. I was hopeless. I was helpless. I was on the verge of giving up. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and I just couldn’t take it anymore.I was a sophomore in college trying to figure out how I was going to finish school. My tuition bill was due, I was broke and the emotions from my dad’s death were fresh and overwhelming. The one year anniversary of his death was quickly approaching and while in the process of grieving, I was forced to sit back and watch my mom parade around with her new boyfriend unapologetically.I lied on the bathroom floor sobbing uncontrollably because of the pain but also because of what I intended to do next. I was home alone and I planned to take my life. I knew my mom had  over the counter medicine in her medicine cabinet and my plan was to go to her bathroom and take them all.

As I made my way up off my bathroom floor I heard something that stopped me in my tracks, my 4 year old little brother’s voice. He must’ve gotten out of school early that day. He was outside laughing and screaming and doing what kids do.

I instantly pictured him smiling from ear to ear skipping up to the house as he often does. I thought of my siblings. What would they do if I wasn’t here? How would my decision affect them? I thought of all the unfortunate situations that I’ve been through in life and I challenged myself to muster up the strength to get over this hump. If I could just survive this hardship and make it through I could possibly help someone else.

This was the last day that I ever had suicidal thoughts. This was also the day that I identified my “why.” I found inspiration in the following excerpt from Les Brown, I hope that you can too:

“Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is the result of people convincing themselves they can’t make it. In order for us to take life on, even in the worst times, we have to say to ourselves I am going to make it no matter what. Not making it is not an option.”

Your “why” motivates you when the going gets tough. Your “why” gets you up in the morning when you don’t feel like getting up. Your “why” is that thing that inspires you. That thing that motivates you. That thing that won’t let you quit! Your “why” could be your children, a spouse, a loved one or your legacy.

No matter how tired you are or how tough the journey has become, there is someone out there who’s waiting on your victory. Your triumph alone can influence the masses.

Have you identified your “why”? If so, what was your “aha moment” that helped you discover it? If you haven’t identified your “why” think of who/what motivates you, and if nothing else, YOU be your “why”  for living dynamically.

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  • Wow! I’m glad you found the blog too. Thanks so much for reading, Ashley!

  • Thanks so much, Takara!

  • Ashley Neal

    Very inspired! So glad that I ‘accidentally’ found you on twitter. Keep up the phenomenal work!

  • Takara Manning

    Thanks for sharing this, I really admired your strength May God be with you as you continue to encourage others!

  • Ang

    Absolutely amazing story! I am very glad that you’ve overcome your difficult situation. You are capable of even greater success. I am very proud of you!! 🙂

  • Terri

    Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I appreciate your compliments and kind words auntie 🙂 I’m over here tearing up and LOL at the “big eye lil girl” part. Everyone use to say that hahaha love you!

  • Terri

    Thank you so much! I appreciate your comment. xoxo

  • Terri

    Thank you Crystal! I appreciate it mama xoxo God is good girl!

  • Anonymous

    You truly are inspiring Terry!

  • crystal

    Wow this was deep Terri.
    It brought tears to my eyes. I felt your pain and placed myself in your shoes for that moment. Girl you are a soul survivor and what you are doing now is amazing. You turned that pain into power and you are doing that girl!!!

  • Terri

    Thank you for sharing! What a beautiful WHY 🙂 I’m all tears and smiles right now! It must be a great feeling knowing that you have the ability to influence and shape the future of another human being <3 And I agree, many of us have had self-defeating thoughts or habits. It's always nice to have a safe place to share them so that we can grow from each other.

  • Anonymous

    This is deep… It takes a lot to share your deepest inner thoughts with the world. You be surprised how many of us have felt the same. I myself have thought about ending it quite a few times. One if the reasons I left Ku.. Everything was too much .. My why is my son. The moment I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was born again. I was living a new life 🙂

  • Anonymous

    God is so good and they say God comes to you in different forms and through different people and hearing your brother that was God talking to you telling you to hold on and hang in there and continue to have faith in him.To God be the glory that you didn’t take your you! Wow what a testimony!keep telling your story of his goodness

  • Terri

    Thank you so much for reading! This is always a tough post for me to edit and re-read. The good thing is it’s humbling and it allows me to see how far God has brought me. <3

  • Anonymous

    Wow!! This was hard to read. I had to stop and just cry. Thank God for allowing you to see the light in your life. Look how much you have accomplished in your life. So so proud of you!! Keep striving!!